Road to discovery, part 3

The school IEP (individual education plan) was the start to really helping our son. We also tried counseling, hoping that it would help with the behavior. We didn't see much of a change.


We finally got in to see a developmental specialist on our insurance plan. The waits can be very long -- six months or more isn't uncommon. We lucked out, getting in sooner than anticipated. (Ask to be put on the cancelation list and take it, even if the day/time is inconvenient.) Our son would be first diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive and anxiety “not otherwise specified.” It’s now the middle of third grade and he’s 10.

The developmental specialist didn’t immediately think Asperger’s – was this a good sign? Was he missing something? I fear the autism label. I know it. I’m happy we are finally getting answers.

School got better as soon as we opted for medication. We’d first treat his ADHD-inattentive and get him some additional accommodations on his IEP. I didn’t think his teacher felt the “fix” was fast enough. It was the best I could do for now.

Trying to brush aside that bad parent feelings that I felt every time we spoke, I kept trying to seek strategies from his teacher to help our son at home.  After a while, I also felt there had to be a better answer than anxiety NOS and ADHD-inattentive.

By summer, the doctor included “social concerns” and a need to rule out a communication disorder on the diagnostic impressions sheet. After a few months, I reluctantly asked the doctor if we should test for Asperger's syndrome. He agreed.

Now in fourth grade, we and his teachers were given to forms with a lot of behavioral questions. So many of my answers seemed to be sometimes. Could it be? Was I missing something? His grades were average, but homework remained frustrating. He talked in cartoon fantasies rather than "normal" talk. No one wanted to be his friend. Even the girls who seemed to like him, stopped saying “hi” in the school hallways. Can't like the strange boy or you'll get teased. We also noticed few of the boys dared talk to him at lunch. Only a few of the “nice boys” came to his 11^th birthday – maybe their parents felt sorry for us and our son. This isn’t good, and it’s not because mom and dad want their son to be well liked. This was different.

Our first evaluation came back as a no. Relief hit. Maybe he'd grow out of these odd behaviors and build normal friendships. Before I got too happy, we learned the second was a yes.