Monday, January 23, 2012

Road to discovery, part 4


Was he or wasn’t he on the spectrum? How could one test say yes and the other say no. Confusion struck.

Our developmental pediatrician suggested we ask his school to perform an ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) evaluation to get closure. Essentially, he would be observed at school and given some one-on-one tasks and evaluated on how he reacts. 

Our doctor pointed out that our son was bright, and a diagnosis could open up more help from school. Still, we were scared. This would determine his condition, an obvious good thing. But how would we feel if he had autism? Would our lives change? Would his school be able to help him? Would he be high functioning enough to find his way in the world?

Our dreams as parents shattered the day we learned he had Asperger’s syndrome. I cried a little. I hurt knowing my son wouldn’t be “cured” of autism or ever truly fit in. He wouldn’t be the kid everyone liked. Parents would still judge us for having the “weird” kid.

Emotions gushed. Thought we were afraid to say aloud finally made their way out. My husband’s desire that he become a star athlete was now DOA. He suspected for sometime, but hoped we’d find some medical fix. Would he be able to go to college and find a job or live with us forever? And I worried most about long-lasting friendships and falling in love. Would he ever experience that unconditional love in a relationship? Would people always give up on him, as they do now?

We had to get over our self-pity and focus on his possibilities. It’s not about us. It’s what we can do for him. He is bright. He can learn more socially acceptable behavior. We needed to look at this diagnosis as the first step to helping him unlock his talents and hit his potential at school and, later, life.

It’s still scary and we worry, but we have hope.

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